Thanks to a share on Facebook by the fabulous and informative blog The Safer Sex Fairy, I came across a list, written by a woman for women who have sex with men. I shouldn’t really be re-sharing the link to the post titled 39 Things Men Never Want You To Do During Sex Again. It might have one or two sound pointers, like those about consent or not pretending that you are in pain, when you actually are. Yet, overall, it is too awful and very misguiding. Therefore, I found it imperative to correct the many wrongdoings she mentioned. So here is my version of 39 must-d0s and don’ts:
39 Things you should do again and again during sex with men – and if the man doesn’t like it, leave him.
Before I begin I have three very important points I must make.
The first, no sex list is all inclusive. Everybody’s passion, drive, likes and kinks are different. Take this list only as a suggestion and tweek it to your liking.
The second, although the original post is a bunch of one-liners, sex tips are just not that simple. I think that short tips equal short, simple sex, and if you want to really enjoy sex to the fullest, take the time and read this through and take from it what is right for you.
The third, and most important, always practice safe-sex in ethical, consensual pleasure. Which means that all of these pointers listed here are under the assumption that you and your partner hold personal and mutual responsibility to engage in consensual sex. Contrary to popular belief, men need to consent to sex as well; not all of them want sex all the time with just anyone, anywhere and any way. If that isn’t the case, if there isn’t mutual consent, JUST DON’T DO IT!
- Always stop sex in the middle if you need to pee, otherwise you may get an UTI (Urinary Tract Infection). What’s more, to prevent a UTI empty your bladder before and after sex. As a side note, some women who squirt say that the feeling is like needing to pee. So if you need to pee during sex, it MIGHT mean you are about to squirt. Remember, sex is dirty. There is nothing gross about it!
- When giving a blow job, know that not all men like it the same. Some like licking, sucking, deep-throating, pulling and some even like it when you use your teeth. If using teeth, make sure to be aware of how much pressure you are using. And always use a condom during oral sex with a non-monogamous partner; you can still get STI through oral sex.
- After sex, you don’t have to stay naked; whatever you wish, just do it. Especially if you are feeling awkward, get dressed, get out of the house, and talk it over a cup of tea. Or just leave and stay safe.
- Just so you know, most women fake an orgasm sometimes. If you feel like “faking-it” to get him on, go ahead! And by the way, grunting and moaning are not the only signs of a female-orgasm. You should be with a partner that knows you are having an orgasm by the way your pussy is wet, contracts and becomes extra sensitive, not just by the sound of your voice.
- When it comes to his balls, go to town! Many men like it when you pleasure the whole package, lots even like it rough! So ask him what he likes and enjoy yourself together.
- When it comes to eye-contact during sex, do whatever feels comfortable to you. Just like some like sex in full light or in perfect darkness, eye contact is very individual. It’s okay if you avoid eye-contact because you are self-conscious. Sex can be very unnerving. As long as you are enjoying yourself, it’s all good!
- Crying after an orgasm is a great release. Don’t fight it… give in! It happens to some women because orgasms releases many hormones and is a big emotional release. If it happens, it’s a good time to cuddle and connect with your partner.
- If you watch porn, try to act out some scenes and even repeat sexy phrases you hear word-for-word. If it works for porn it is probably hot as hell so go on and role play as if you are a porn-star!
- Try having silent sex and enjoy the other four senses to increase your pleasure (i.e. touch, smell, taste and sight). And if your’e just that kind of person that is usually silent during sex, keep being that person. Don’t try to be someone you’re not.
- Please make unrealistic, exaggerated moans. Sex should be a fun, exaggerated sensual play. A break from the real-everyday-world. So put on a show, but only if you feel like it.
- Don’t be bothered if a pet is on the bed. Sex and pets are both parts of life. Just do a self-check with your bestiality tendencies. It is one thing to allow them on the bed, it is entirely something else to engage pets in your sex act.
- When giving a hickey, be considerate to who your partner will see over the next three days. If the neck is out of the question, you can always give a hickey in a secretive spot – like his inner thighs, stomach and back. It’s a kinky way to leave your mark so he can have a chuckle when he showers.
- Some guys like really hard scratches, the ones that draw blood and leave marks. This is definitely one to ask first and scratch later!
- If you are unsure if he likes what you are doing, ask constant sexy questions. If you want a fun way of doing this, you can decide on a code before engaging in sexual intimacy. One that I like is the “Traffic Light”. My partner asks me “How’s it going?”, and instead of finding the right word each time I say Green, when its ‘all steam ahead’, Orange, for ‘proceed with caution’, and Red for ‘stop now!’.
- After a blow job, spit if you need to. If you like to swallow cum, do so! if you don’t, spit it out! If you like giving a blow job but don’t like cum in your mouth, make sure you tell him first so he can pull out before ejaculation. Giving head is awesome, if you like to do it and he like to receive it; but, do whatever you need to do so it is not uncomfortable or traumatic for you.
- Kiss him after a blow job. Oral sex is a wonderful present you can give to your partner, so kissing afterwards should feel good and a way to connect. Remember, sex is dirty, have no shame or doubt about this. Some men even like kissing women with a mouth full of cum, and some don’t. Anyway, it is their body fluids, they really shouldn’t be hung up on this.
- If you feel the urge, compare him to your exes. Especially in the matter of “You do this much better than X!” or “I liked it when X did this, could we try it?”. As long as you are respectful to your current partner – you are with him now, so it’s all good.
- Oral sex doesn’t need to be a reciprocal thing. If you like receiving but not giving, talk to your partner about it. Honesty goes a long way. Some men like eating pussy so much they really won’t care as long as you are having a great time. You can find other ways to pleasure him.
- Don’t feel bad if you fall asleep during sex. Sex can be a very relaxing experience and it is very natural to relax yourself into a meditative state and fall asleep. What is more important, make sure you are with a partner that will not take advantage of you while you are asleep!
- Putting a finger up his anus could increase his pleasure, as you can stimulate his prostate, which basically his G-Spot. Just be sure to use a finger cot as a preventative barrier so yukky stuff wont get underneath your fingernails (which could spread infections). Also, long, sharp nails could really hurt. So trim those things before your enter. Putting on a finger cot will also provide time to discuss consent.
- If something makes you laugh during sex, LAUGH! Make sure you are laughing WITH him and not AT him. Sex can be awkward, so laughing might be the things that helps release some pent-up pressure.
- Try to sit still and do absolutely nothing while he does all the work. If you wiggle too much, maybe he can tie you up? It’s titillating!
- If you need to, it’s okay to look at the clock during sex. Especially if you have where to go. Don’t miss a meeting or class because of an orgasm. And if you are trying to break your own record for the longest session, just keep track and keep on the shuffle! More importantly, if you know that your vagina dries up after a while, please stop before you get hurt.
- Please fish for compliments during sex! Ask “Am I sexy?” and “Aren’t I superb?” or “Do you like when I do this?”. Know that you are fabulous just the way you are and compliments during sex is an excellent self-esteem booster.
- Play with his nipples. He has more erogenous zones than just his penis. Lick. Bite. Squeeze. Try to discover what makes him crazy. For that matter, he might have hidden gems all over his body that even he doesn’t know about.
- Some position are a must do-over. Some couples find that their bodies fit just right in a certain position. You might want to be creative in bed, which is great, and do so if you please. But then you might find that to reach an orgasm you or him need to be in a certain position. Isn’t it wonderful to know what makes him cum??
- If you dream of a threesome with another guy, do tell! You might be surprised by what honesty can dish out. Being the center of attention while two guys top you could be super hot, for you and for your guy!
- If you are miserable, please talk to him honestly and seek comfort in his arms. Having sex to forget about your troubles doesn’t work for most women. The hormonal release during an orgasm might bring you some happiness but tell him about your sensitive emotional state before you get it on. This might be the time that crying after sex is just a given.
- If you call him the wrong name, just laugh it off. You are with him right now, right? Sometimes our brain plays tricks on us, it doesn’t mean anything. You might even want to try to role-play and call him the wrong name on purpose.
- Surprise him by bringing out the handcuffs and nipple clamps without discussing it first. Some men would be super psyched for the woman to take control in bed. Obviously, give him the space to say “no” and discuss consensual play if you decide to proceed.
- It’s totally okay if you are not the one to initiate sex every time. If there is a personal reason why you don’t do it, try to figure it out and talk to him about it. You could also find ways to do so in a subtle manner, like putting on your sexy lingerie, kissing him on the neck, or opening a bottle of your favorite wine. And if you figure that you are just not that into having sex in the first place, do not feel like you have to submit to his advances. It’s ALWAYS okay to say no.
- Pillow talk could include talking about your day, your chores, or anything else. Actually, many women find that they have to jabber about their day before engaging in intimacy. And take this as a challenge – talk about your day DURING sex. Let’s see how long you can keep that up!
- If you’re feeling bloated, complain! You gotta know that it’s totally okay to stop sex if you don’t feel good. Maybe he can make you a cup of tea instead?
- If you need to stop sex in the middle, do so; even if it gives him blue balls. Never succumb to pressure to do what you don’t feel like doing. If it really really hurts him he can go to the bathroom and masturbate. And only if you feel like it, maybe he can masturbate in front of you?
- Never pretend that you are not in pain, when you are. This is probably the only point I agree full-heartily with the original post. Sex should not be painful. Unless you chose to experience pain, like in BDSM types of advanced sexual play.
- If you don’t like it when he calls you a dirty little slut, let him know. Even if didn’t mean it as an insult, you’re allowed to get pissed off about it. Dirty talk isn’t everybody’s kink.
- Tell him what you think of his body, especially if it’s how his stomach is “comfy”. Just like you would not like to be called an ugly bitch, don’t hurt his feelings with insults, but honesty is true closeness.
- If you have self esteem issues, talk to him about it. The very part of your body that you find the most displeasing, he might actually find to be the epitome of sexiness. To repeat #24, fish for compliments!
- If you have a headache, turn down sex. Actually, turn down sex for any reason, or no reason at all! But just so you know, orgasms can be a pain reliever, but only when you partner is not the one that gives you that headache!
I’ll remind you again, all of this pointers are helpful when sex is safe and consensual for the purpose of pleasure! So go ahead a try these tips out and I would love to hear which one works best for you!!
So go on and feel sexy!